disgruntled joy

Where do I start when I'm feeling confused

When the world seems frightening and bemused

at my discomfort as I try to figure out

what all the hubub and nonesense is all about

I'm trying in my own way to find out why I'm here.

Why God has lead me down certain roads remains unclear.

Though I am taught to trust that all things work for His good

sometimes I don't believe these words as I should.

I too easily find faults in the systems of this world

as if I was misplaced when the destinies of others were unfurled.

I lack the faith that I need to press on at times

and then feel guilty for committing such weighty crimes.

I know that there's a bigger picture that we can't see.

Perhaps the painter used pointalism and I'm just a dot in a massive sea

of faces or colors or a jumble trinkets

And we mile about till we fall in trash or recycling pits

Or maybe there is a purpose for my life as well as yours

and eventually we'll know why we had to bear these burdens and sores.

And it's possible that the moments of pain will turn into a blessing,

that one day we'll cry for joy instead of laughing cynicallyand being depressing.

There's no such thing as hopeless, no such thing as fate.

Christ died on the cross to show us that God meant to create

us in a specific way to go through each circumstance

so that one day He would get all the glory and not just a casual glance.

And so I look to Him when the paint peels and all seems to blur

for no matter what I'm going through...He's going through it with me...of that I am sure.

Stuck in a Cloud?

Bafana Bafana, which means "young men" is the national South African team here. What was the source of the swelling of patriotism and pride for this country dissapated in a span of 90 minutes tonight when they encountered a brutal loss to Uruguay. I watched the game on a large screen in the hall of King of Kings, a church that was started by the same person that began the ministry that I am currently involved in here. The night had started off in high spirits with a steady hum of the vuvuzelas (trumpet thingy) buzzing in the background. Now, silence.
No Cinderella story occured here... just another reminder that in this world, at some point, you will be disappointed and let down. All your hopes crushed in a matter of 90 minutes, seconds, days...
Now how do you explain the necessity to keep hoping to someone who has litterally nothing to call their own, lives in an obusive environment, and is afraid to dream because too often have they been disappointed? God is slowly showing me how.
This week we started a four-week program called Holiday Club where children in the different town-ships learn about the gospel through sports, drama, games and readings from the Word. I can't even imagine what these kids have gone through. At the end of club, we give them a sandwich and you can see them scarffing it down and it makes me wonder if this is the first time that they've had anything to eat that day. And yet they come with smiling faces... fighting for who gets to sit in your lap or play with your hair. Yesterday we taught the children the verse "cast your burdens onto Jesus for He cares for you." To explain this more fully, we then taught them the story of the widow who gave her last bit of food to Elijiah when she barely had enough to feed herself and her son one more meal. God provided for them and the oil jug that she used never ran out. He genuinely does care for us. In our darkest times, he's there...reminding us that he has a plan for us and will walk us through every step of it.
Even with this knowledge however, I know that I still allow fear to creep and basically tell God, "I'm sorry, but you're not big enough to handle my problems." I've been here for two weeks now and to two church services, the first at King of Kings church and the second at Hillsong. In both services, someone has stood up and said in these exact words: "LET GO AND LET GOD"... I don't know if this is a common saying here, but I'd never heard it phrased like that before and to have it said consecutivley (once by a woman that just stood up in the middle of the service) was like a bolt of lightning to my untrusting heart.
Yes, horrible things happen in our lives, but we are told to persevere and give it all to the one who died for us!
This weekend I hiked with my friends, Josh and Stuart, up Table Mountain... I wasn't supposed to be the only girl, but...haha...lucky me (cough cough...that was sarcastic). It ended up being an hour and a half of going up these massive rock steps that looked like they were built for Shrek or Goliath sized people. It was freezing and we had to climb in a mist with scattered rain drops here and there. In my head I kept saying, "Justine!!! YOU idiot! what in the world were you thinking." Stuart and Josh would be hopping about like bunny rabbits while I climbed up using all four ligaments in a sloth-like fashion gasping for air. There were several times that I just wanted quit completely but by God's grace and several bribes of chocolate from Stuart, I made it! only to be greeted by more clouds and mist... but the sense of accomplishment still overwhelmed my soul and there was coffee at the top!! huzzah!
All this to say, I've been having way too much fun here but am also learning a lot about who God is, how abundantly he loves and cares for us, and how he carries us through any and every situation.
Should you be following my blog, please lift up this holiday club...it really is an amazing opportunity to reach out to these kids.

AFRICA IS NOT FOR SISSY's!!!

Much seems to happen in two days. It's been great getting to know my fellow workers as well as the kids at Capricorn (kids club) better. I've been keeping a notebook with all the Afrikaans words that I've been learning. My favorites thus far have been lekker (very good/sweet) and kwai (cool).

Yesterday, there were about 5 of us volunteers who were cacooned into a meeting room surrounded by towers of cardboard to once again...work on the armour of God. There we sat with box cutters trying to form little swords and shields, amassing only two casualties...but all in all, we survived with the thoughts of the gleaming faces pushing us forward. Around four our time of blacksmithing was caput and we walked back to our comfy teamhouse.

I sat in my room trying to collect my thoughts, grateful for the exciting start to my time here in Cape Town, when all of a sudden my friend Josh bangs on my door and asks me to accompany to go pick up the car that we and two others were going to rent. Initially, we were thinking that this would be an hour-ish affair...get the car, bring it back...etc. haha!! nay nay, we were picked up by one of the company drivers at 4:30 and drove an hour to get to RENT A BEET (a beetle car rental service). When we arrived we were...umm... a little suprised with the little darling piece of poop car that awaited us in a very sketchy part of town. Litterally, this teeny Bug was about to fall apart, one of the side mirrors was missing, the bumper had fallen off, and you have to slam the side door in a manner that pretty much tears your shoulder from its socket. But hey! we needed the transportation. So, we paid the money asked for a map (because Josh and I have only been here for, oh, a week?) to return home since we were miles away from anything familiar-ish. After some "practice driving" with one of the mechanics, we set off to find our way back. Did I mention that A. people here drive on the left side of the road...and B. the car had stick shift. C. the car is 55 years old and puttered to a start. Much praying was said and off we went. I, being the navigator, started singing Beyonce's "to the left...to the left" as a reminder for Josh to not veer to the right lane. Before long we'd taken a wrong turn, the sun had long returned to its slumber and we'd stalled out a couple times (once while merging onto the Freeway). Thankfully the Lord was watching over us and after a 4 hour excursion we returned to shouts of "You're back!!! we thought you guys had died or were robbed or something!" And that was my Friday.

SATURDAY June 4th

Today, 6 of us volunteers were left to our own devices. We decided to do a little bit sight-seeing in a place called Simon's Town (right by the shore). After cramming ourselves into the Beetle (now christened Big Old Betty) we rolled into a classy little shopping area. It was a glorious day of shopping about and sitting in a little restaurant by the wharf (I tried a calamari burger...quite yummy acutally). It's been amazing getting to know my other teammates a little more and hearing how God led them to South Africa. In one conversation, we talked about how Cape Town was one city where the separation between the extremely wealthy and the unbelievably poor is very evident. You'll see these gloriously decked out houses sitting next to a strip of slums with people living in what seems like a giant tin can. I really feel as though this place is taking a pull on my heart. Let's see what the rest of the week will hold.

umm...yeah...this would be a pic of dear Betty. the previous owners where apparently great adventurers and had a strange sense of humor since they'd left "sexy time" painted all over the doors...pish.

snippets from cape town

well, this is my first blog ever! I am both excited and slightly deranged feeling since I'm still slightly jet-lagged.
This is my 3rd full day in Cape Town, South Africa and I am loving it
The view, first off, is incredible (big blundering mountains with cliffs that dip into the ocean...gah!)
The people that I'm working with are incredible and all have such a heart for the Lord. Also, there are a bunch of goofs, which makes it a whole lot of fun just hanging out with them.
So far I feel like I'm still being introduced and getting used to the different jobs that I'll have for my one month here. In the morning we all (about 8 of us) head over to Living Hope (the organization for which I am volunteering for). We have a time of devotions with various staff members and then set about our various tasks. This morn

ing a couple of us (Josh, Carley, Hannah and Ethan...all from the states) began what seems to be the impossible job of creating 6000 cardboard pieces of "The Armour of God."....umm...let me just say that the five of us worked for 4 hours all morning with stupid scizzors hacking away and completed and total of 100 swords, 70 shields, and 3 boots. so, what...it should take us another 500 or so hours? But, like most things in life, situations such as this one teach us to persevere! reminds me of the verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

The afternoon is my favorite part thus far since we all split like bananas and head out to our separate kids clubs. Today my group went out into the streets of one of the slums here and did some face-painting, bible-story sharing and food giving. I would like to put out that I believe I can now paint the South African flag blind-folded or in my sleep. With the World Cup taking place in a week here there has risen a strong sense of national pride. At one point one of the local helpers here that was also face painting asked me how to draw the flag...umm, yes, that would be me crossing over a threshold of some sort.
Speaking of the world cup, 3 of my friends here and I managed to purchase tickets to a Fifa (soccer game)!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaayyy! (and there was much rejoicing). The only catch is that the game is an 8 hour drive to Port Elizabeth. I'm definately excited about the road trip, just hope that we manage to rent a car in time. eek!
God has been so good to me. This trip came at a perfect time and I'm really hoping that he will reveal himself to me and allow me to be a part of the wonderful things that he is doing here. I'm praying that my eyes will be open to the needs around me and that I'll be able to curb my selfish thoughts into ones that focus on serving others. I also pray that he will prepare the hearts of all with whom we come in contact with.

blog number 1...complete = )