disgruntled joy

Where do I start when I'm feeling confused

When the world seems frightening and bemused

at my discomfort as I try to figure out

what all the hubub and nonesense is all about

I'm trying in my own way to find out why I'm here.

Why God has lead me down certain roads remains unclear.

Though I am taught to trust that all things work for His good

sometimes I don't believe these words as I should.

I too easily find faults in the systems of this world

as if I was misplaced when the destinies of others were unfurled.

I lack the faith that I need to press on at times

and then feel guilty for committing such weighty crimes.

I know that there's a bigger picture that we can't see.

Perhaps the painter used pointalism and I'm just a dot in a massive sea

of faces or colors or a jumble trinkets

And we mile about till we fall in trash or recycling pits

Or maybe there is a purpose for my life as well as yours

and eventually we'll know why we had to bear these burdens and sores.

And it's possible that the moments of pain will turn into a blessing,

that one day we'll cry for joy instead of laughing cynicallyand being depressing.

There's no such thing as hopeless, no such thing as fate.

Christ died on the cross to show us that God meant to create

us in a specific way to go through each circumstance

so that one day He would get all the glory and not just a casual glance.

And so I look to Him when the paint peels and all seems to blur

for no matter what I'm going through...He's going through it with me...of that I am sure.